Nine Holes and Not for Me: When “Fun” Feels Like More Work

When you’re as out of practice as many women are, what’s supposed to be fun can feel like more work.

You show up for someone else and grin and bear it, you’re the one wrangling, driving and snack planning, or you’re the one who’s at the dinner and wishing she was doing anything else. All of this is fun gone wrong.

Worse, it’s extraction posing as fun and that’s tricky.

I have a grin and bear it story about golf. Years ago, my family was really getting into it. I also married a golfer. So, I took some lessons and decided to join in.

Eventually, I decided that golf is not my thing.

Since I understand how to use fun strategically in my life, I know golf has a high potential to extract from me. I don’t like the need for speed when the views are nice. I neither like all the rules nor the constant threat of getting hit when I’m not paying attention due to not wanting to be there in the first place. I could go on, but I think you get the gist. Not my thing.

I saw two options: put my clubs on Facebook Marketplace or make it work.

Giving it up entirely didn’t make sense because it’s something my husband enjoys and I wanted to keep the option open. So, I decided to change the terms to suit me.

Here’s what I do: I choose who I will play with.  I decide when I want to take a swing and otherwise pick up the ball a lot (against the rules!). I go out of my way to congratulate myself when I have a good hit. I know this doesn’t make me a golfer, but my strategy makes time on the course work for me. It keeps the extractive parts of golf out of my way.  

Tagging you in

Too often, your choices get buried in everyone else’s. You’re left to grin and bear it. When this happens more than occasionally, it’s extractive. You’re missing out on what’s essential: closing The Vitality Gap.

This kind of extraction is difficult because you’ve done the hard work to clear other extraction for the activity to happen at all. When your needs are not only unmet but you feel like you’ve given more than you’ve received, it’s only natural to question the value of the effort. 

That’s the way The Vitality Gap keeps you in place. It’s unsustainable, but it is what the extractive systems want for you. 

Here’s something you try:

Consider the plans you’re envisioning for the summer. Where might you be needing to grin and bear it? What could go differently for you this time around?

Picturing Your Vitality will be a great place to practice this thinking. Join me on May 27th. Get more info here.

Tuning into The Vitality Gap explores how to architect fun into your life and control the effects of extractive systems. Add it to your YouTube feed and bring me on your next walk.

---